day ocho = favorite internet friend

o0o0o. wellllll. i dun relly haz interbutz fredz anymor.

like i don't think this guy counts anymore:

but if he did, it'd be him. cause he is fabulous. and nicer than he gives himself credit for =p and it's exciting that he's my friend. BUT since i have seen him a few times and do plan on continuing to see him, i don't think he really counts all the way. maybe he does though? idunno. like i said, i don't really have webbernet friends anymore. i will count him though. because he's like...amazingness and a slice of pie.
amazingness and a sice of pie? is that a saying now? i guess...
=]]
♥thetiniestheart. yayyy.

day siete = ex

honestly? allrightherewegonow. i've been dreading today to be honest. i don't feel like writing about him. there's so much i could say right now. there's so much i want to say right now that i won't because i'm a decent person. let me just make a few things clear. i understand i hurt you but you are not the only one who got fucked up so don't play the victim like this. fuckican'tsaymore. i just. djhsahgdsjakdf. i can't say anything else. i'm sorry this ended the way it did? i'm done. finished. there is too much anger and hurt and self-hate in me right now to continue on with you. so sorry i guess. ...no. i'm done being sorry. byebye. it was fun while it lasted.
p.s. no picture. dun haz wun on my computer and am not gonna creep his fb.
lawlforbeinghesitantaboutpostingthis. here goes nothing.

day seis = a stranger

you. i think your name is stephen? what the fuck gives you the right to talk about me when you don't even know me? we have not said ONE WORD to each other. christians are the most judgmental people. it makes no sense but it's entirely true. like it does seriously bother me that he was talking about me and judging me when he doesn't even know me. more than it should really. like this happens literally EVERYWHERE i go. and i just get fucking sick of it. hrm. of course the people judging me are the people with their own army behind them on it. "ew that girl has been staring at me. wtf? what a freak" "YEAH. I KNOW. REALLY" what gives you the right to say anything at all about me? i wasn't staring at you ACTUALLY. i can only remember even looking at you once and that was because you were being an attention whore and stealing this kid's hat or w/e and then sprinted around with it screaming. don't talk about me. don't talk to me. don't look at me. stay the fuck away from me. i'm honestly more of a human being than you will ever aspire to be so shut the fuck up and go worship god with your clean conscious because worshipping him is obviously all being a christian is about. hrm.

day cinco = dreams

what kindof dreams? like zzzzzzzzdreams. or like I ASPIRE TO...dreams.

idunno. my zzzzzzzzdreams i don't usually remember. the only thing i ever remember is who was in them. i remember the kurtis-ish guy, grocery store, hotel, motel, milk one. ask if you wanna hear about it =p it was fun. i've been dreaming a lot about dance lately though. but my whole goals thing is down there somewhere. cept it ends that i wanna have my own talk show and then live in utah when i retire. two pictures can sum up my zzzzzzzzdreams and I ASPIRE TO...dreams.

(if you don't know, those people there are regis and kelly, my FAVORITE talk show hosts =p)

(and this here cause my dreams are all about the people in them. yup)

ohai comicfire7

he makes my life.

"that was a very feminine thing to do..." (ima tornado)

"thats what i thought. bag of chips." (ima tornado)

"you have really pretty eyes...they're so blue! like little flowers!" (lady gaga smokes etc.)

"the really hot assistant lady that was sorta kinda hitting on iron man. doesn't she kinda remind you of that hot chick from shark tale? didisayhotchickimeanthotfish. didisayhotfishimeantgraphicalcartoon. can't have sex with fish" (ima tornado)

"WHAT ARE WE?!"
"GAY! what?"
"what?" (equator princess 3)

"the door hit my face!"
"which door?"
"the only door in the room!" (ep 3)

"everything's purple. at least it smells good. *5 stars for looking at the bright side*" (can i has caffeine?)

"my split are teething" (hot topic)

"HOLY CHEESEBALLS BATMAN!" (hot topic)

"in the moonlight your face it glows. like a thousand diamonds. i suppose. and your hair flows like the oooceans breeze. probably the cheesiest love song in the world. next to biblical love poems. YOUR HAIR IS LIKE GOAT FUR. ...i don't feel complimented." (hot topic)

"herro? ahm naauuu i di not see eet. thees ees not a chinese accent." (taste of china)

"byebyesies. it's like adding sies to the end of words is...what you do sometimes..." (taste of china)

"cause this is eating. i eat like this. HEY GUYS. I EAT LIKE THIS." (taste of china)

"...i'm not even funny anymore"

"but IIII knew they had guns cause i was the ninja spy dude. and there was this one mexican chick, 'DON'T BE STUPID.'" (midgets and yoyos)
ilikerememberingquotes.

day cuatro = siblings

kayyy. i'm supatired but here we go.

kay jessie's on the left and lizzie's on the right. uhm they're pretty much the best sisters i could ask for. or siblings of any kind. i got along better with jessie when i was younger but now i'm kinda at the point where you know i like her, i love her but i don't really get why other people do? she's lovely though most of the time. i think she's just kinda annoyed that she still lives with us. she wants to move out so bad. lizzie's fabulous like 3/4ths of the time. just like really fun to be around and not all OMFGSERIOUS. and then the other 1/4 you do notttt want to get in her way or she'll pwn you with deathstares. but yeah. they're cool. =] yayy.

day tres = my parents

they're good people =]] wayyyy overprotective but i love them. like i'm glad they're my parents because they're good ones. i don't get why they're all OHMYGOODNESS OVERPROTECTIVE though. there's not really much to say about them but i said i'd make each description at least 100 words. anyway they do a lot for me to keep me happy and so that i can do everything i want to, you know? cause i'm a reasonably ambitious person and they support me with whatever i decide to do without overloading me. so yeah. they're good parents. =]]

day dos = crush

lololol. this'll be fun.

this guyyyyyy. what to say. uhm i don't honestly know him. like at all. he's cute though. and christian which is apparently something i like. he's sleeping over at the demetry's tonight. we'll see how it all figures out. maybe i can even get to know him in the process.

lolyou. so the whole not talking to you thing is helping me get over him. that's good. i really did like him. huh. not much to say anymore.

major lulz here. who saw this one coming? *raises hand* well yeah. lawl. so i guess i like him? i think it happened when i stopped caring about being polite around him. so yeah. damn. last night i felt stupid o.O WAIT SO IT IS ME? NO. NO IT ISN'T. IS IT *NAME*? NO? IS IT ME? i don't want a relationship. maybe i can just kinda see him a lot in the summer. and not be lonely anymore. good plan.

well. i am certainly making my rounds in the chatroom. it was bound to happen. ah well. whatcha gonna do.

tomorrow should be easier than today was.

day uno = best friend

Matthew Williams is a cool cat. lolwow. yeah so this is my besfran. he's one of the few people i love. we've been best friends for what, 3 years? yeah i think around there. uhm yeah. we really just think alike i guess? we has similar senses of humor because APPARENTLY i'm the only one who thinks he's funny which is DOUBTFUL. but OH WELL. and lesseeeeeee. we met at carousel which is the number one worst musical of all time. and lolkiara. THIS IS NOT TIME TO TALK ABOUT HER. that's another story. that you will never hear. =p so anyways. yeah we met there and we weren't really like superclose until a few months later? idunno. anyways yeah. he's super fucking awesome. i would say you should know him but if you don't already then you obviously don't deserve to. one day down. tomorrow should be fun *flinch*

o0o

stealing from a long list of people. yeah. seems intriuging. i'll do a picture with each one and make each description over 100 words. cause yeah. imma be legit. so is today day 1? why not.

Day 1 — Your best friend




Day 2 — Your crush



Day 3 — Your parents



Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)



Day 5 — Your dreams



Day 6 — A stranger



Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush



Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend



Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet



Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to



Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to



Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain



Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you



Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from



Day 15 — The person you miss the most



Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country



Day 17 — Someone from your childhood



Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be



Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad



Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest



Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression



Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to



Day 23 — The last person you kissed



Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory



Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times



Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to



Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day



Day 28 — Someone that changed your life



Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to



Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

LOOK, EMOTION.

Dr. Nubs (Nubbify) 10:18 am: <3 LOOK IT'S FOR YOU

oh holy god exciting.

in the future...

i hope that once i graduate from college i will get a tiny apartment in new york. i will intern with a talk show. i will work as a dj by night and during the day i'll work at a generally unknown but amazingly badass cafe. like cofetti cafe! in bethlehem, PA =] best chili ever. anyways. i hope that i will not have money ever and will have at least one week where i live solely off of yogurt and peanut butter. i hope the downstairs from me, through the paper thin walls, i can hear an absolutely terrible rock band that my neighbor has been trying to get a decent drummer for (with no success) for as long as i've lived there. i hope that i will have a kitten. one from an old cat lady who i met during one of the weird jobs i did since i'm poor. i hope that i will be dirt poor because i spend all my money on guitar stuff and camera lenses. i hope that i will still aspire to be a genuis photographer. i hope that i will have a blog that maybe 60 people know about and always seems just on the edge of really taking off and making me famous. i hope that i will have a boyfriend that will be equally poor and pathetic and will have a key to my apartment which he still refuses to call an apartment (he calls it me walk in closet). i hope that when i get sick and he comes over to be with me while i'm feeling awful and my goddamn neighbor is trying out another drummer, he will go down there and tell them to stfu. i hope that he himself will have hopes and dreams and plans to be great at everything the way i do. i hope that someday i will decide that my new thing is to make a webcomic. a photocomic to be exact (like a softer world) so i can show off all the supposed talent that a handful of people have seen on my 5-comments-per-post blog. i hope that one of the webcomic artists i adore will link to it on their homepage and email me and tell me that my awesome comic is the shit and if i stopped, their lives would be a touch less interesting. i hope that my apartment will have a stove and oven so i can bake things for homeless people. and i will remember that even though i am poor and stuff is shit a lot, i have the best life ever. i will bake them cakes and pies and brownies and cookies and write little notes that say stuff like "keep your chin up!" or "you should save up for a haricut! people hire well groomed people more often than shaggy ones!" and that will be my life.
*nods*
before i become a famous talk show host of course =p =]
yayy!

extremely vague and incredibly close.

you.
when the fuck did you become a part of my life again?
you are friends with all my friends.
and i am pretty sure they like you more.
lolbigsurprise.
even though you're so annoying.
like OHMYGOD.
anyways.
whatever.

ANDYOU!
cookies. i wanna make you some. selfish cookies to be exact. they are the best kind. you are going thru some tough shit and imma try to be there for you because i care about you. a lot. kay feel better? cookies await you!

hey. you.
just fuck off.
uggghhhh i can't say that thouuuggghhhh.
THIS CALLS FOR THE BIGGEST FATTEST HRM OF ANYONE'S LIFE EVER.
HRM.

OH. ALSO. YOU THERE.
YES YOU WITH THE CUTE SMILE AND THE FUNNY VOICE.
YES THAT ONE. RIGHT THERE. I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU. YOU CAN'T MISS ME. all right now that i have your attention. uhm hai =] littleheart. right here.
Y
it is the tiniest. but it is there. for you! even though you won't take it. justincase. =]

oh p.s. all of you.
thank you for making my night awesomely awesome =DD
between you being RIDICULOUS about that kid there and you just...failing at more and more every second =D it was awesome.
ALSO. that little kid peeing on the stage? awful. but also a little bit priceless =D

KAYDONE.

To Sir, With Love

"If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters,
That would soar a thousand feet high,
To Sir, with Love "

You. please do not hurt. too late, i know, but. god i dunno what i am trying to say here. i just...am bad with wordsuhmmm. i just...wish not hurting would be easier. i wish it was something i could make happen for you still. i never wanted something like this to happen and basically, i am so sorry. i am pretty sure you will not forgive me and rightfully so but just. yeah.

poetreeeehhhh

i wanna write some. i have to for school anyways. i might as well do some not-as-legit-shit as well. i still wanna clean my room. i still want that magic wand thing to work though. i have been overanalyzing stuff about the kid-who-has-a-name-that-i-don't-feel-like-mentioning (kidwithname for short =p) waaayyyy too much. i just gotta let stuff work the way it will you know? i really honestly just do not want a boyfriend right now. yeah, i ish like a guy but eh. it's not a big deal. i dunno if i'm independent enough though. i hope so. it'd suck to be an extremely dependent teenager. those always end badly.

Dear lovie,
i reached out to you and IT WORKED! =DDDD i feel like a good person PLUS i get to attempt to help you. i am really excited to see you actually. you deserved better than him. i hope he figures out how whorey he is someday <3

i better be getting my period soon

because i'm not a crier. last night was like the 3rd time in a week. that's not healthy. i wish my room was clean. i wish it was all organized and beautiful. i wish i can just wave my magic wand and all the stuff i don't want will be gone. but then everything that was resting on those old useless things would fall and break. it would end up like so many things do, with the things you love being broken and the things that you don't being fine. love. hm. new goal has been set. by the end of the year, i want to believe in love. i pretend to be so into it and everything about it but really, i like the idea of it. i have no fucking clue what it is. people say OHYOU'LLKNOW. but then you always just over anticipate it and you miss it or jump on it too soon or god knows what. the only thing worse than saying you're in love when you aren't is being a skeptic about it like me. oscar said last night that his favorite thing about me was my apparent optimism. that's what everyone says and honestly, it makes me nervous, like the minute i'm sad, people won't like me anymore. i do believe i'm an optimist but only if optimists are allowed to be depressed sometimes. if they aren't then, oh well, i guess. all my friends can abandon me and stop loving me or whatever the hell they actually feel about me. i think i am an optimist though because i just realized that even when i'm so depressed and when i'm crying i still pull myself together enough to thank God for what i do have. i'm usually so "please, please, please" about praying instead of "thank you, thank you, thank you" but the past few weeks, the only thing i've "please"ed him for was good judgement for me and those around me. friday night when i was talking to stephen, he asked me about how i've been doing with religion lately. i honestly think that right now i am stronger about it than i have ever been. i haven't opened my bible in about a year and i haven't sat through a sermon since christmas but somehow, i finally started realizing that God's got a grip on my life. that somehow, i will benifit from everything that's getting thrown at me. pretty much no one i know well anymore, besides people i know from church, are religious. it's hard to not try to hide my faith. like, it shouldn't be the kind of thing i'm embarassed about but it's fucking hard. oh well. i feel close to God. it's always been my policy not to shove religion in people's faces. i'm doing okay, i think. I HAD MORE TO SAY ABOUT THE WHOLE CLEANING MY ROOM THING. i think i want to clean my room so bad because that's what i want to happen with my life. i want to be able to just sweep away the bad things and keep what's good. just filter it all out. my room is a pretty good indication of how my life looks right now. messy is a good overall word for it. if you look close though, it's just a bunch of little piles. piles of clothes, piles of books, piles of pillows, piles of water bottles, piles of god knows what. it's organized into little messy compartments. the bad things are blended together with the good things in their own little category. by the end of the week, my room will be nice. i figured out how i want to organize it. by the end of the month, it will all be decorated how i want it. it'll be complete. it'll be roomy. it'll be good. this felt amazing. i need to blog like this more often.

p.s. if you've read this whole way, godblessyou, you are a fantastic person and i am so glad you're in my life =D

p.p.s. little side note for oscar. something for my empty post it on your wall. i don't have a favorite color. i don't want to make the others feel bad. i like them all in small doses. =]
also. you're a good friend. i likehaving you around.

lolkay

whatfuckingever.
i don't care.
i SHOULDN'T care.
i trust to easily.
i give people my emotions too much.
i'm way to dependent.
i don't have enough standards.
i hate what i am.

i would like...

to be closer with you.

to see you.

for the chatroom to not die.

to be accepted for who i am. (lololol)

for all you to care about me.

that this whole thing just...never happened. and i didn't get in a relationship with him and mess him up and mess anyone else up and mess up my own chances to ever go out with a guy again.

for summer to come.

to dance.

i did it.

and i honestly feel so split right now between better and worse. i do feel better because now i'm single and that just...feels better. but i mean, i knew he'd be messed up about it but he's so fucking depressed. like...god. i never meant for it to be like that. i never wanted it to. i've been yelled at twice now for having him come here before i made my decision but if i haven't, would they be all "YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST GIVEN HIM A CHANCE." i just feel like i can't win. i don't think i ruined their family over this. i think if they were so dependent on this relationship, then, well, they shouldn't have been. i just don't want to have to worry about a relationship anymore. it was so stressful and just sjjhdsgakgjasgh.

also. i did feel a lot better after we hung up. i forgot what it was like to call someone up crying and actually have them make you feel better instead of getting sad too and saying "um" a lot. thank you so much for being there for me that whole time and i'm glad you won't leave me just because you're friends with him.

thank you to really anyone who cared and just made themselves available to be there for me if i needed it. <3 i love you all and i feel more loved now than i have in a long time.