and i honestly feel so split right now between better and worse. i do feel better because now i'm single and that just...feels better. but i mean, i knew he'd be messed up about it but he's so fucking depressed. like...god. i never meant for it to be like that. i never wanted it to. i've been yelled at twice now for having him come here before i made my decision but if i haven't, would they be all "YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST GIVEN HIM A CHANCE." i just feel like i can't win. i don't think i ruined their family over this. i think if they were so dependent on this relationship, then, well, they shouldn't have been. i just don't want to have to worry about a relationship anymore. it was so stressful and just sjjhdsgakgjasgh.
also. i did feel a lot better after we hung up. i forgot what it was like to call someone up crying and actually have them make you feel better instead of getting sad too and saying "um" a lot. thank you so much for being there for me that whole time and i'm glad you won't leave me just because you're friends with him.
thank you to really anyone who cared and just made themselves available to be there for me if i needed it. <3 i love you all and i feel more loved now than i have in a long time.
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